Download and read online I Scare Myself in PDF and EPUB This vivid memoir of a man described as “one of America’s greatest songwriters” by Elvis Costello, and a cat that was “fly, sly, wily, and dry” by Tom Waits. Dan Hicks had a front-row seat to the birth and death of counter culture -- San Francisco, 1966 -- it would affect both him and his music. I Scare Myself captures the highs and lows of a lifelong adventure in music. You’ll get to see Hicks’ memories of one of the changes the 60s brought, working with great musicians, plus, a foreward by Elivs Costello; and afterword by producer Tommy LiPuma; and annotations by his close friend Kristine McKenna. “I just started taking ingredients I liked and putting them together to see what came out,” Hicks writes. What came out was an amazing blend of complex time signatures, unusual instrumentation, and intricate vocal harmonies that took him to the top of the 70s rock world but also into a downward spiral of drink and drug abuse. Hicks passed away in early 2016, but his music, and the stories he tells here, remain as fresh and irresistible as ever. I Scare Myself takes readers on a journey behind the music, and into the life and mind of the fantastic artist who created it.
Download and read online Loud in the House of Myself Memoir of a Strange Girl in PDF and EPUB “An utterly unique journey down some of the mind’s more mysterious byways . . . ranges from the shocking to the simply lovely.”—Marya Hornbacher Stacy Pershall grew up as an overly intelligent, depressed, deeply strange girl in Prairie Grove, Arkansas, population 1,000. From her days as a thirteen-year-old Jesus freak through her eventual diagnosis of bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, this spirited memoir chronicles Pershall’s journey through hell and her struggle with the mental health care system.
Download and read online Hiding from Myself in PDF and EPUB "Unforgettable. This book will stay with me the rest of my life." Amazon reviewer AndreamsYou can't turn on the TV or pick up a newspaper without seeing "gay" in a headline: from the issue of gay marriage boiling in the cauldron of politics and religion, to bullied gay teens tragically taking their own lives, to countries passing legislation making it a crime to be gay.Few social issues ignite such passion from all sides. For those who see homosexuality as immoral and a sin, the notion of gay marriage is intolerable. For those who are gay, being excluded and shamed is simply intolerant. Bryan Christopher's life has been spent straddling this great divide.As a boy raised under the blinding Friday Night Lights of the Bible belt of Texas, from the playground to the pulpit one message was consistent: "queers" deserved to be smeared. And at the dawn of puberty, Bryan knew he was in trouble: he was staring limply at the pages of his dad's Playboy. That's when the hiding began. And in his neck of the woods, it left him with one viable option: change. "Hiding from Myself: A Memoir" chronicles his zealous crusade: from ringing doorbells for Jesus in the Castro of San Francisco to sorting through Hugh Hefner's dirty laundry as a butler at the Playboy Mansion; from the beer-soaked trenches of his UCLA fraternity house to wholehearted immersion into "ex-gay" conversion therapy. As Bryan walked the straight and narrow in Hollywood, he found the narrow path to have more twists and turns than he could ever have imagined...
Download and read online I Think I Scared Her Growing Up With Psychosis in PDF and EPUB In third grade I started hearing voices, seeing people chasing me, feeling paranoid, confused, and delusional. I can’t remember before third grade, but it is likely that I have had schizoaffective disorder all my life. I was afraid to tell anyone about my issues because I was afraid that the voices would kill me. There were two main voices: the blue and the red. They sometimes just mimicked me, or made me feel guilty about being bad, but they were the most dangerous when they commanded me to kill other people or myself. I found refuge from the voices by cutting myself to see the blood. This is a habit that has been almost impossible for me to stop. In the seventh grade I threatened my friends and teachers by writing anonymous threat notes. I eventually got caught and I was sent to a psychiatrist by the school. This was my first trip to a psychiatrist and I was eleven years old. I hated it. I cursed at her and wouldn’t cooperate. I never went back. When I was twelve my family moved to Seattle, Washington. I thought I would be able to start over with my life and escape all my pain. Unfortunately, the voices and fears followed me. I was in eighth grade and I started hanging with a bad crowd. I used drugs and had sex. The voices were telling me I was a bad person, so I acted like a bad person. I almost got kicked out of school. I hit rock bottom on December 5, 1997. I attempted suicide. No one had any idea how much pain I was in and this really surprised them. My parents went into shock. My school counselor who had been helping had no idea that I was so severely ill. I told the doctors about the voices and the visions, but I couldn’t admit to being paranoid because I was so sure that my delusions were real. The doctors tried to help me, but nothing helped. I was in the hospital for most of my senior year of high school. Finally I turned eighteen and I was sent to the adult medical center instead of the children’s hospital and I was told that I would never be able to graduate college or live on my own. This did not stop me though, it inspired me. My family found a hospital for me in Massachusetts and I moved to Boston into an Adolescent Residential Treatment Center where I got to see a specialist in child psychotic disorders. She found a medicine that my doctors in Seattle had not thought of trying and it was like a miracle drug. Soon I was out of the hospital and I was back in school, part-time at Brandeis University. My whole family moved to Weston, MA and my little brother started high school there. My older brother went to college in Western MA. Although I was happy to be back in school, I was having a lot of side effects from the medications and I had a hard time concentrating. Brandeis did not have a lot of experience dealing with people with mental illness, or at least I don’t think they did because I felt very alone there. At Brandeis I was majoring in creative writing. After two years I transferred to Simmons College and I am a nursing major. I can’t wait to get my R.N. and help patients. My family is moving into Boston soon. My life is going great. I have had a lot of physical setbacks—heart problems, diabetes, seizures, hypothyroid, congenital adrenal hyperoplasia, stomach issues, and most recently gallstones. Still, my schizoaffective disorder has been the hardest thing to manage. I hope this book will help some families that are dealing with mental illness. It shows that kids can make it through psychosis. It also helps families understand what psychosis is really like.
Download and read online Dying in PDF and EPUB Cory Taylor wrote this remarkable book in the space of a few weeks before her death from melanoma-related cancer in July 2016. In a tremendous creative surge, as her body weakened, she described the experience of knowing she would soon die. Her powerful and beautifully written book is a clear-eyed account of the tangle of her feelings, her reflections on her life, her memories of the lives and deaths of her parents. She tells us why it was important to her to have the ability to choose the circumstances of her death. Dying: A Memoir is a breathtaking book about vulnerability and strength, courage and humility, anger and acceptance. It is a deeply affecting meditation on dying, but it is also a funny and wise tribute to life. ‘2016 has seen the publication of a number of exceptional books by beautiful writers whose poignant tales takes us right to the edge of the abyss.’ Best Books of 2016, Australian Financial Review ‘Cory Taylor's book is both a precise and moving memoir about the randomness of family, and an admirable intellectual response to the randomness of life and death. We should all hope for as vivid a looking-back, and as cogent a looking-forward, when we reach the end ourselves.’ Julian Barnes 'It takes courage to contemplate one’s death and extraordinary clarity and generosity to write about it like this. Dying: A Memoir is a gift to us all, a book that is not afraid to navigate darkness and that sees us through to the end...We need books like this, a guide to dying, but also, and especially, a guide to living.' Australian Book Review 'This generous, thoughtful, loving—and fearful—book about dying is also a celebration of living.' Australian
Download and read online Lessons in Becoming Myself in PDF and EPUB By the time Ellen Burstyn arrived in New York to study acting, she'd already worked as a Texas fashion model, a Montreal chorus girl, suffered numerous toxic relationships, and just as many name changes and spiritual paths. Theater legend Moss Hart called her "a natural" but Ellen Burstyn was still trying discover who she was. This is the graceful story of a personal and professional quest, a life-long journey-by turns triumphant and terrifying, tragic and funny, thoughtful and illuminating.
Download and read online I m Just Dead I m Not Gone in PDF and EPUB I’m Just Dead, I’m Not Gone chronicles Jim Dickinson’s extraordinary life in the Memphis music scene of the fifties and sixties and how he went on to play with and produce a rich array of artists, including Aretha Franklin, the Rolling Stones, Ry Cooder, Duane Allman, Arlo Guthrie, and Albert King. With verve and wit, Dickinson (1941–2009) describes his trip to Blind Lemon’s grave on the Texas flatlands as a college student and how that encounter inspired his return to Memphis. Back home, he looked up Gus Cannon and Furry Lewis, began staging plays, cofounded what would become the annual Memphis Blues Festival, and started recording. The blues, Elvis, and early rock ’n’ roll compelled Dickinson to reject racial barriers and spurred his contributions to the Memphis music and experimental art scene. He explains how the family yardman, WDIA, Dewey Phillips, Furry Lewis, Will Shade, and Howlin’ Wolf shaped him and recounts how he went on to learn his craft at Sun, Ardent, American, Muscle Shoals, and Criteria studios from master producers Sam Phillips, John Fry, Chips Moman, and Jerry Wexler. Dickinson is a member of the Mississippi Music Hall of Fame and an inaugural inductee of the Memphis Music Hall of Fame. He has received the Lifetime Achievement Award for Engineering and Production from the Americana Music Association, a Brass Note on the Beale Street Walk of Fame in Memphis, and a Heritage Marker on the Mississippi Blues Trail. This memoir recounts a love affair with Memphis, the blues, and rock ’n’ roll through Dickinson’s captivating blend of intelligence, humor, and candor.
Download and read online The Iceberg in PDF and EPUB In 2008 the art critic Tom Lubbock was diagnosed with a brain tumour. The tumour was located in the area controlling speech and language, and would eventually rob him of the ability to speak. He died early in 2011. Marion Coutts was his wife. In short bursts of beautiful, textured prose, Coutts describes the eighteen months leading up to her partner's death. This book is an account of a family unit, man, woman, young child, under assault, and how the three of them fought to keep it intact. Written with extraordinary narrative force and power, The Iceberg is almost shocking in its rawness. It charts the deterioration of Tom's speech even as it records the developing language of his child. Fury, selfishness, grief, indignity and impotence are all examined and brought to light. Yet out of this comes a rare story about belonging, an 'adventure of being and dying'. This book is a celebration of each other, friends, family, art, work, love and language.
Download and read online Playing Scared in PDF and EPUB Stage fright is one of the human psyche's deepest fears. Laurence Olivier learned to adapt to it, as have actors Salma Hayek and Hugh Grant. Musicians such as George Harrison and Adele have battled it and learned to cope. Others never do: In 1973, Pittsburgh Pirates All-Star pitcher Steve Blass suddenly could no longer find the strike zone; his career ended soon after. Surveys in the United States repeatedly rank public speaking as one of the top fears, affecting up to 74 percent of people. Sara Solovitch studied piano as a young child and fell in love with music. At ten, she played Bach and Mozart in her hometown's annual music festival, but was overwhelmed by fear. As a teen, she attended Eastman School of Music, where stage fright led her to give up aspirations of becoming a professional pianist. In her late fifties, Sara gave herself a one-year deadline to tame performance anxiety and play before an audience. She resumed music lessons, while exploring meditation, exposure therapy, cognitive therapy, biofeedback, beta blockers, and other remedies. She performed in airports, hospitals, and retirement homes before renting a public hall and performing for fifty guests on her sixtieth birthday. Using her own journey as inspiration, Solovitch has written a thoughtful and insightful examination of the myriad causes of stage fright and the equally diverse ways to overcome it, and a tribute to pursuing personal growth at any age.
Download and read online The Big Tiny in PDF and EPUB Dee Williams’s life changed in an instant, with a near-death experience in the aisle of her local grocery store. Diagnosed with a heart condition at age forty-one, she was all too suddenly reminded that life is short, time is precious, and she wanted to be spending hers with the people and things she truly loved. That included the beautiful sprawling house in the Pacific Northwest she had painstakingly restored—but, increasingly, it did not include the mortgage payments, constant repairs, and general time-suck of home ownership. A new sense of clarity began to take hold: Just what was all this stuff for? Multiple extra rooms, a kitchen stocked with rarely used appliances, were things that couldn’t compare with the financial freedom and the ultimate luxury—time—that would come with downsizing. Deciding to build an eighty-four-square-foot house—on her own, from the ground up—was just the beginning of building a new life. Williams can now list everything she owns on one sheet of paper, her monthly housekeeping bills amount to about eight dollars, and it takes her approximately ten minutes to clean the entire house. It’s left her with more time to spend with family and friends, and given her freedom to head out for adventure at a moment’s notice, or watch the clouds and sunset while drinking a beer on her (yes, tiny) front porch. The lessons Williams learned from her “aha” moment post-trauma apply to all of us, every day, regardless of whether or not we decide to discard all our worldly belongings. Part how-to, part personal memoir, The Big Tiny is an utterly seductive meditation on the benefits of slowing down, scaling back, and appreciating the truly important things in life.
Download and read online Scared to Life in PDF and EPUB At nineteen, Jillian Webster knows she can no longer live her life crippled in fear. As a baptized Jehovah's Witness, she understands leaving the religion will have great consequences. Shunned and labeled as evil, she will also be forbidden to see or speak to her mother, stepfather, and younger siblings ever again. But Jillian is a dreamer; for years she has craved the sort of life prohibited as a Witness. She longs for higher education, big cities, adventure, and world travel. More than anything, she years to be free, to follow that persistent whisper in her heart that begs her to go out into the world and find the life of her dreams, a life she has been told since childhood-doesn't exist . After years of heartache, she walks away from the Jehovah's Witnesses, losing her family forever. Forging ahead with nothing but her backpack, Jillian sets out on a global journey across Europe, Africa, Southeast Asia and Australia in search of the life she risked all for. However, she soon learns the world is not what she imagined and finds herself more lost in her travels than found. Devastated, she continues to follow her heart, leading her to discover everything she's ever dreamed of in the most unexpected place. Follow Jillian's deeply vulnerable yet liberating journey as she struggles to conquer the fears that bind her as well as the questions that plague her at night. How do you know when to hold on and fight, and when to let go? How do you find the strength to forgive those who have hurt you the most? And above all, how do you keep your faith when everything seems hopeless? Scared to Life is the true story of one woman's choice to follow her heart above all else, find life after loss, and ultimately, discover her freedom by letting go.
Download and read online Bleeder in PDF and EPUB I am Caucasian, five foot eleven, have sandy brown hair, blue eyes, and am a tender slip of bone. And I am at the hospital. A coming-of-age memoir for modern times, Bleeder is the incredibly compelling tale of author Shelby Smoak. A hemophiliac, Smoak discovered he had been infected with HIV during a blood transfusion at the start of his college career. This devastating and destabilizing news led Smoak to see his world from an entirely new perspective, one in which life-threatening illness was perpetually just around the corner. Set in the 1990s along the North Carolina coast, Bleeder traces Smoak’s quest for love in a world that feels increasingly dangerous, and despite a future that feels increasingly uncertain. From the bedroom to the operating room, and from one hospital to the next, Smoak seeks out hope and better health. Winner of a PEN American Center award for writers living with HIV, Smoak, whose work has appeared in numerous journals and magazines, constructs this unforgettable story of life and love against insurmountable difficulties in breathtaking, tightly drawn prose.
Download and read online Off Balance in PDF and EPUB In this searing and riveting New York Times bestseller, Olympic gold medalist Dominique Moceanu reveals the dark underbelly of Olympic gymnastics, the true price of success…and the shocking secret about her past and her family that she only learned years later. At fourteen years old, Dominique Moceanu was the youngest member of the 1996 US Women’s Olympic Gymnastics team, the first and only American women’s team to take gold at the Olympics. Her pixyish appearance and ferocious competitive drive quickly earned her the status of media darling. But behind the fame, the flawless floor routines, and the million-dollar smile, her life was a series of challenges and hardships. Off Balance vividly delineates each of the dominating characters who contributed to Moceanu’s rise to the top, from her stubborn father and long-suffering mother to her mercurial coach, Bela Karolyi. Here, Moceanu finally shares the haunting stories of competition, her years of hiding injuries and pain out of fear of retribution from her coaches, and how she hit rock bottom after a public battle with her parents. But medals, murder plots, drugs, and daring escapes aside (all of which figure into Moceanu’s incredible journey), the most unique aspect of her life is the family secret that Moceanu discovers, opening a new and unexpected chapter in her adult life. A mysterious letter from a stranger reveals that she has a second sister—born with a physical disability and given away at birth—who has nonetheless followed in Moceanu’s footsteps in an astonishing way. A multilayered memoir that transcends the world of sports, Off Balance will touch anyone who has ever dared to dream of a better life.
Download and read online Scared Selfless in PDF and EPUB “A riveting memoir that takes readers on a roller coaster ride from the depths of hell to triumphant success.”—Dave Pelzer, author of A Child Called “It” Michelle Stevens has a photo of the exact moment her childhood was stolen from her: She’s only eight years old, posing for her mother’s boyfriend, Gary Lundquist—an elementary school teacher, neighborhood stalwart, and brutal pedophile. Later that night, Gary locks Michelle in a cage, tortures her repeatedly, and uses her to quench his voracious and deviant sexual whims. Little does she know that this will become her new reality for the next six years. Michelle can also pinpoint the moment she reconstituted the splintered pieces of her life: She’s in cap and gown, receiving her PhD in psychology—and the university’s award for best dissertation. The distance between these two points is the improbable journey from torture, loss, and mental illness to healing, recovery, and triumph that is Michelle’s powerful memoir, Scared Selfless. Michelle suffered from post‐traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression, and made multiple suicide attempts. She also developed multiple personalities. There was “Chelsey,” the rebellious teenager; “Viscous,” a tween with homicidal rage; and “Sarah,” a sweet little girl who brought her teddy bear on a first date. In this harrowing tale, Michelle, who was inspired to help others heal by becoming a psychotherapist, sheds light on the all-too-real threat of child sexual abuse, its subsequent psychological effects, and the best methods for victims to overcome their ordeals and, ultimately, thrive. Scared Selfless is both an examination of the extraordinary feats of the mind that are possible in the face of horrific trauma as well as Michelle’s courageous testament to their power.
Download and read online The Cake and the Rain in PDF and EPUB "Novelistic, perfectly plotted and quite possibly the best pop-star autobiography yet written." - The Wall Street Journal Jimmy Webb’s words have been sung to his music by a rich and deep roster of pop artists, including Glen Campbell, Art Garfunkel, Frank Sinatra, Donna Summer and Linda Ronstadt. He’s the only artist ever to win Grammy Awards for music, lyrics, and orchestration, and his chart-topping career has, so far, lasted fifty years, most recently with a Kanye West rap hit and a new classical nocturne. Now, in his first memoir, Webb delivers a snapshot of his life from 1955 to 1970, from simple and sere Oklahoma to fast and fantastical Los Angeles, from the crucible of his family to the top of his longed-for profession. Webb was a preacher’s son whose father climbed off a tractor to receive his epiphany, and Jimmy, barely out of his teen age years, sank down into the driver’s seat of a Cobra to speed to Las Vegas to meet with Elvis. Classics such as “Up, Up and Away”, “By the Time I Get to Phoenix”, “Wichita Lineman”, “Galveston”, “The Worst that Could Happen”, “All I Know”, and “MacArthur Park” were all recorded by some of the most important voices in pop before Webb’s twenty-fifth birthday: he thought it was easy. The sixties were a supernova, and Webb was at their center, whipsawed from the proverbial humble beginnings into a moneyed and manic international world of beautiful women, drugs, cars and planes. That stew almost took him down—but Webb survived, his passion for music and work among his lifelines. The Cake and The Rain is a surprising and unusual book: Webb’s talent as a writer and storyteller is here on every page. His book is rich with a sense of time and place, and with the voices of characters, vanished and living, famous and not, but all intimately involved with him in his youth, when life seemed nothing more than a party and Webb the eternal guest of honor.